(3)
It's been a while since I posted. I do apologize for that. However, unlike this point a year ago, now I'm so busy that I really don't have time to post.
Also, you aren't sitting in front of a computer anymore. Not as much fun to waste your OWN time writing is it?
No. No it's not.
Hey, cheer up! At least you're employed again. And I must say that I do enjoy this job, so far. But, I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me try to recap what has been going on in my absence.
Those job interviews I had in town? Complete rubbish! They were either for positions which were “beneath my station” or the people I interviewed with absolutely hated me and my whole “integrity” thing. So, I continued to slowly spiral toward being broke and living in the street.
That may still happen, so don't get too chipper.
We'll cross that bridge (and perhaps live under it) when the time comes. Anyway, in early October I got an interview at a place in Red Wing, Minnesota. It was a charming little town on the banks of the Mississippi River about 45 minutes south of Minneapolis. It wouldn't have been a bad place to live at all and, yes, that is where the shoes come from.
The first thing I noticed about it was that the can was multifaceted. You can see it near the edges on the picture. It made for an odd sensation as you held it. Well, I promptly broke the cable in my hotel room trying to get the DVR in the room to restart a football game. So I had to muddle through with only my laptop and the crappy beer.
Honestly, the beer wasn't that bad. It was just a standard American beer. Though, it did come to my mind that beer is pretty much wasted on me. I drink beer when I want to be sober. JB would be so proud of the way I've grown up into an honest-to-God alcoholic. Though there is a reason why I am.
Because your life is one giant failure after the next and you are trying to forget?
Not precisely... but close.
The interview actually went well and they offered me the job. The thing is, I had an interview in Pennsylvania later that week that would possibly be a better job. The company I was interviewing with knew this so I told them I was going to hold off on accepting the job until I had gone to the other interview. Basically, I flew back in on Tuesday and was scheduled to fly back out the next morning.
It was a busy traveling week, but such things no long hold any fear for me. Well it causes me to feel some loathing, actually. I'd rather drive than fly, since taking a flight these days is tantamount to air-freighting your ass to somewhere. I made the mistake of boarding the flight out there with but a dollar on my person. Just to get a drink of water cost $2... so I landed quite parched and cursing Continental Airlines.
FUCK YOU, CONTINENTAL!!!
Anyway, as I returned and was hastily changing out my suitcase with fresh interview clothes, I received a call from the county. I had applied for an inspector job the previous week and hadn't expected them to get back to me so quickly. It was one of those “ongoing recruitment” jobs which generally means you get put on a list and forgotten for 6 months.
Well, they wanted to talk to me on that Thursday. This represented a conundrum since my initial plans were to be in Milton, Pennsylvania on Thursday interviewing at the factory they make Fiddle Faddle at. A bold decision had to be made.
Where some might say “bold” I would say “brash”.
OK... it was a brash decision. I canceled my trip to Pennsylvania and turned down the job in Minnesota. I was placing my entire future on a job here because, honestly, I didn't want to leave my friends, family, and girlfriend. A “good” job elsewhere led down a path that lead to only one place: dying alone, my body laid waste by a dozen stress-induced maladies.
No, I put all my eggs in one basket. I've been told that's bad, but it sure does make carrying the little bastards easier. Plus, I'm a pretty careful guy.
*cough*
Metaphorically, in this situation, when discussing full-egg-basket-carrying!
As an aside, I woke up at 0500HRS this morning and, in the process of turning over in bed, managed to jab myself in the left eye. I was meaning to cut my fingernails this morning and this really drove the point home since I cut myself with my thumbnail. It felt like I had gashed the eyelid open but, upon inspection, it is only a scratch. Still, I was pretty-much awake for the day at that point.
Where was I? Oh yeah, the interview. Well, there are a lot of steps to getting a government job that I will not bore you with here. The process moved VERY quickly and, by the next week, I had the job. I am now a Agricultural Biologist/Weights and Measures Inspector. Yeah, it's a long title. The pay isn't that great starting out, but I honestly love the job.
Just when you start to get bored with something, the seasons change and you're off doing something else. And I'm constantly being sent bombing all over the county to do different things as my skill set/certification increases in breadth. This is a slow time of year and most people are on vacation so I'm covering most of the northern citrus producers in Kern County.
For instance, today I will be doing (as I did last week) something called I.R.Q. This stands for: identity, responsibility, quantity. Basically, producers have to tell you what the hell they're selling you, who they are, and how much you're getting. In reality, this is generally not a problem but I've also been told that the supervisors put you on IRQ when they have nothing for you to do and just want you out of the office all day.
So today I will head up to our northernmost producer first and look at a few hundred boxes as they fly by down the line. Then, invariably, I'll have to go to a quarantine inspection on lemons there. That company bought a bunch of lemons from a quarantined county down south that is invaded with an insect which could devastate our entire citrus industry. They, of course, had no idea and just saw that the lemons were cheap.
Dummies. Probably the same type of company that would buy from a Chinese manufacturer because it's cheaper without asking “why IS this cheaper anyway?” or “how much poison is in this?” Eh, whatever. Then I drive around a bit and come to another processor who is always shipping stuff to Florida. Florida is pretty much the disease-ridden whore of the citrus industry. So it's pretty odd to see something we have that they don't. Apparently, we've got something they don't so I'll have to do another quarantine inspection. That one's actually easy because the fungus in question turns the citrus into an oozing black ball of nastiness. Pretty hard to miss. Then it's looking at boxes and waiting to see if Australia needs an inspection done.
So, all in all, it's a lot of going different places and doing different things as I get calls from the office.
The job also brings up an issue of karma.
Yes, as some of you may recall I was fired by a large agricultural company because I was trying to get them to stop underfilling their product bags. They had been doing it for years because an inspector had never caught them.
Well, here I am... a weights and measures inspector for the Department of Agriculture. I want this on the record: I am not seeking them out to inflict divine retribution upon their corrupt business. However, if – in the future – our paths should cross... they are SOOOOOOO fined!
Funny how life works out sometimes, no?
Usually. So that's where I'm at. I still may be homeless in the next few months, but for right now I'm just trying to get my affairs in order and being grateful that not only do I have a job... but it's one that I really am enjoying.
Now, I hadn't mentioned much about the last election because 1) I was busy and 2) I'm just pretty jaded about where our country is headed. I will now mention some quick-hit thoughts about some things that have happened.
Presidential Election
Given the options, I think Obama was the best we could have hoped for. I don't have the overriding and irrational fear that everything is going to go to shit because he is president. I am not swayed by the yelling right-wing fear-mongers. Look, about everything that could have gone wrong has gone wrong on the Republican's watch. They've really got no room to say anything. My advice to them is to shut the hell up, go back to the drawing board, and try to figure out exactly what their platform was supposed to be. I'm not impressed with their current anti-intellectual, pro-business, fundamentalist Christian, faux patriotic, big-government brand.
To the Democrats I say this: can you try to fix problems and not fuck anything else up? It's probably a tall order since the mere act of electing one of your own president has already caused a few scandals. Most parties wait to get into power before having those... so kudos to you! I'm not thrilled with how the next administration looks so far, but I'm not about to start bitching about Obama before he even gets into power. I'll give him a fair shake just like I did Bush. Good luck, Obama... you'll need it.
California's Proposition 8
I did not support this. There are several reasons why I did not. First, it was shocking how easily our state constitution could be amended. Shockingly easy, actually. A simple majority on a ballot initiative? Really? In this age of fear mongering (and make no mistake, that was the primary tactic of Prop-8 supporters) and hopelessly uninformed voters, the fact that you can change the state constitution – the HIGHEST law in our state – by getting a proposition passed by a simple majority should absolutely terrify any reasonable person. Even if it is something you support, when will you be faced with an amendment that completely screws you over?
Second, I didn't like what it was trying to accomplish. I can't think of too many amendments that actually remove a right or privilege which was already in effect. It may be a first... and a dangerous one at that. To those that supported Prop-8 I ask how they would feel if a proposition named “Defense of Families Act” were put on the ballot which just happened to make it illegal to possess a firearm were passed? Think about a right or privilege that you enjoy and then imagine if it were constitutionally removed from you.
Third, a domestic partnership is not – I REPEAT IS NOT – legally the same as a marriage. Period. No matter how many people tell you it is... it is not. This is fact. Domestic partnership, in California, was opened up to same-sex couples and different-sex couples consisting of seniors over the age of 62 (long story on that one) so that they could enjoy many of the same state rights as married couples. Not all... many. To my knowledge, I don't think domestic partners enjoy any federal rights that married couples do. There's a reason why heterosexual couples aren't clamoring to have domestic partnerships include them as well... because it's a second-class arrangement.
Fourth, I just don't care. If I had two gay neighbors that were married as opposed to just living together in a domestic partnership it really wouldn't make a rat's ass worth of difference to me. This is not only because I rarely interact with my neighbors, but because I am not easily offended. It's funny how many people mock those who are offended by things they don't find offensive... only to go off and find something that offends them. Apparently, their hypocrisy knows no bounds. Me? I just can't be bothered to give a flying fuck about anything that doesn't affect me and mine directly.
Fifth, this was motivated by hatred and fear. Those are never good reasons to enact a law (or really do anything for that matter). None of the people who put this on the ballot care about protecting marriage. They just don't want fags and lesbos to be able to get married. And I'm about sick of the backlash and the backlash to the backlash... grow the hell up, people.
Also, given their ironic support of Prop 8, I'd like to clue any Mormons in out there: True Christians (tm) think you belong to a cult. Just so ya' know. If given their way, you wouldn't even be considered a religion... think about that the next time a proposition pops up to ban something you don't like.
In the end, I think most people who support “traditional” marriage are the same people who signed those “virginity pledges” from my youth group. Speaking of which...
Oh shit...
I read about a study done on teens who take “virginity pledges” today. Self-righteous little pricks. In case you were wondering and didn't want to follow the link and/or read about it elsewhere: no, it doesn't work. Well, they are less likely to use birth control... so they have that going for them.
When I was in high school my youth group did the whole “virginity pledge” bullshit. Everyone signed it and made a big hoopla about it... everyone but me. You see, I couldn't honestly say that if given the chance I wouldn't have sex before marriage. Because I was honest with myself, those around me, and (probably most importantly) God himself I was put through the ringer. This was despite the fact that some of those signing their little cards had, in fact, already fucked each others brains out (probably without using contraception).
No no... I was the one in the wrong. Sorry, but my hypocrisy goes only so far. Now, granted, I probably abstained from sex longer than most of them. It had more to do with the fact I was at home every night and studying for school than anything else. Fear not, though... eventually I did find a girl who found it in her heart to give the geek a go. God bless her. She started me down the path to the cynical, lecherous person I am today.
And don't worry about my girlfriend reading this... as it turns out she's actually the same one who did it those many years ago. So, in a way, I've been more faithful than most... in a way.
Somehow, I don't think she'll think what you just wrote is as sweet as you intended it to be.
Probably not, but I'm not deleting it now. I'm far too lazy. Oh, and to those of you who are doing the whole “waiting until marriage” (or domestic partnership if you're a religious homosexual) thing... good luck with your sex life. No, really, good luck. You'll need it. Nothing like being legally obligated to fuck someone before finding out it's not that great. Then again, how would you know?
Actually, my offhand crack about religious homosexual thing brought up something the pope said. He said that “homosexuality isn't a sin, but homosexual acts are”. What the fuck? Often times I wonder if people who believe in the Bible ever actually have READ it. Just kidding, I know they haven't. If the Pope had he might have picked up on this little nugget:
But I say to you that everyone who looks a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. -Matthew 5:28
Well, Jesus was just talking about a married man looking on a woman... or an unmarried man looking on a married woman... or both parties being married. Tricky bit the distinction between adultery and fornication. Either way, I guess if you're lusting after a guy (or young boy) it's all good. Right Pope?
Whew... well, at least he can't excommunicate you.
Damn skippy! Some might say I have “protested” the Catholic Church's authority.
Now, I'd like to get back to something a little more cogent to the problems at hand: the 0-16 season by YOUR Detroit Lions.
There were times, coming down the stretch, that I didn't think this was going to happen. Detroit did their best to screw this up, but they managed to pull out the utter fail when it counted.
Here's to you, Detroit Lion.
Also, what the hell is going on with the Cowboys? Cloak and dagger bullshit. Crying to the media. Calling reporters liars. Inept coaching. Meddling owner. Romo collapsing in a shower. Fight on the team plane. Breaking a fan's glasses. Jeebus!
And, Dallas fan, Romo reminds me of a young Bret Favre. In case you were wondering... this is not a good thing.
I still say they rename interceptions to “gunslings” in honor of Favre when he retires. You know, when he retires for good.
Whammie!
Anywho... that's about all I can muster on the topic of football. I lost the FTW Fantasy Football championship game to Sven this year by 0.3 points. Yes... that is a zero point three loss. Now, granted I didn't figure I would win. There was just too much downside to my final lineup and I felt it coming from a mile away. But to have it be that close and then lose it... especially with Warner getting me 1.5 points that week and my kicker coming up blank (thanks Cleveland!). It just hurt. Sven was, by far, the stronger team all season, though, and I must congratulate him on his victory.
Just wait until we develop our secret “dick move” strategy for next year!
Hehe... our strategy this year certainly was a dick move. Basically, we played 2 QB positions so I just kept drafting QBs every round until there were none left for anyone else. I have been informed that we will be changing the rules for next season's draft.
Way to ruin it for everyone, asshole.
Actually, I pretty much just ruined it for myself.
In non-football related news, it occurred to me the other day that perhaps there was a variable in this whole global warming thing that I hadn't considered. It's so obvious that I had glossed right over it: rotational velocity of the Earth.
Our planet's rotation is slowing down. It's caused by a multitude of factors, but it is happening ever so slightly. For instance, this year will be one second longer to compensate for it. As we slow, the amount of directed energy from the Sun will be greater per square inch per day. As this continues to compound there will be effects upon the weather patterns.
“But it will be colder on the other side longer.” you might counter. True, but with higher moisture content the air holds its temperature longer. Additionally, increasing greenhouse gases can compound the effect.
The only problem? Well, we've seen climate change in the world before and it was cyclical. Hardly something that can be blamed on a gradual slowing. So, in reality, I probably should have glossed right over it because it's complete rubbish as a theory.
Well done...
Meh.
There is one last thing I'd like to cover. Ever since my trip I've had this incredible wanderlust inside of me. I mean I like where I am at and I don't want to roam the Earth forever. But in nice 3-4 week bursts I'd really like to keep traveling. I'll find myself, all of a sudden, remembering some terrain or road or song or sight. It fills me with longing to be out, rumbling aimlessly across this nation.
It fills my thoughts more often than I like to admit.
[END OF LINE]